This isn’t a normal blog post for me.
Typically, I use this online space to share stories + insights concerning women’s health and wellness. Truly, there’s nothing more that I enjoy than helping women achieve success with their fitness journeys.
But this post regarding ‘single living’ has been weighing on my heart for a while now.
You see, I recently sat down to coffee with a new friend of mine. We had intended to talk about business, but the conversation turned personal when she opened up to me about her recent divorce.
She told me about the new challenges that she was going through as a result, and she also shared about her family’s eagerness to help her find a new man.
I couldn’t help but laugh because as a single thirty-something woman myself, I understood all too well the struggle of staving off friends and family who are a little too willing to meddle in my love life.
In the past four months alone, I’ve walked into four incredibly awkward + uncomfortable instances where I was unknowingly set up by those closest to me.
And as well-intentioned as their efforts were, I only wished that I had something to point them to that could communicate how much I,in fact, did not want their help.
So, I write this post for you- the single thirty-something woman who’s not exactly ready for love (and to the friends + family who are trying to set her up)- here’s 10 things every single woman wants the world to know:
1. I have a support system in my life (even without a man)
Sure, I may come home to an empty house each night after work but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have someone who I can talk to, vent to, share good news with, etc.
Whether there’s a man in my life or not- that doesn’t change the fact that I have some of the greatest girlfriends in the world. Friends who I connect with regularly + who keep my heart feeling full.
2. I don’t necessarily think that my life would be better if I had someone to share it with (at least not right now):
Society pressures us into thinking that the only way to live a happy + fulfilled life is to finish school, find a job, get married and have kids- but there’s more than one way to define success.
Right now, in this stage of my life, happiness is coming home from work, curling up on the couch with a good book + reading without interruption.
Happiness is only having to cook + clean for one person. It’s having total control over the remote, watching as much HGTV as my heart desires. And it’s having the freedom to rediscover interests + hobbies that I never had time to pursue when I was in an actual relationship.
There’s plenty of reasons to celebrate my singleness and you can bet that I’m selfishly taking advantage of each one- because I know that I may not have the opportunity to do so when I finally do start dating again.
3. I’m not missing out on anything!
I don’t know where it was ever written that you had to be coupled up to enjoy life-but let the record show that my singleness does not prevent me from getting out there + having fun.
I still enjoy dining out at nice restaurants. I’m not afraid to go to the movies alone (that Rachel Hollis documentary was A-MAZING!). And I don’t feel the least bit weird about exploring new venues without a plus one!
I may be alone, but I’m not lonely! So please stop worrying about what I’m up to.
Heck, I’ll be the first to admit it- I love having the freedom to work from cozy coffee shops in our local downtown area.
I enjoy signing up for those new + unique classes that I come across (like that meditation workshop).
And I am more at ease with pampering myself (because putting money toward that deep tissue massage seems a little less frivolous when it’s just me that I’m taking care of).
I promise you that my life feels amazingly full + complete just as it is.
4. Having a man in my life doesn’t change who I am-
So, the next time you want to strike up a conversation about my love life (or lack thereof) why don’t we switch topics and talk about something else- like that podcast I was just interviewed on, that new blog sponsor I landed or that great speaking gig I was just invited to!
With or without a partner, I’m still me, and I think I’m pretty interesting all by myself 😉
5. I’m not jealous of all my married or engaged friends.
The reason that I’ve stopped accepting your invitations to social events has very little to do with your relationship status.
It has more to do with the fact that I’m tired of being paired off with that one random single guy you coincidentally invited.
He may be a nice guy (I’m not trying to argue that), but here’s the thing- getting to know someone takes work, and if the only thing that he and I have in common is that we’re both thirty + single- well, it tends to lead to a long night!
Let me set the record straight- I’m not so desperate to meet a man that I’ll lower the bar to include just anyone. I’m not picky or demanding either, I just don’t see the point in trying to force a relationship so that I change my dating status.
6. Being single, doesn’t mean I’m available.
Yes- there’s a difference between the two.
If you’re a single woman reading this, I’m not sure what has happened in your life to lead you to this season of singleness right now-whether you’re coming off of a divorce, whether you broke it off with your last boyfriend, or whether he ended it with you- I fully understand that your heart may need a little break before jumping into the next relationship.
I get it- because it’s where I’m at right now too.
And so, to the family + friends who continually try and play matchmaker, please know that I may not be open to the idea of dating no matter how perfect of a man you have found for me.
Relationships don’t end when everything is going well; so yes, my last relationship ended on a sour note. And I may need some time to heal from that before moving on.
I’m in no rush to find a new man because I have faith that I will find love again; and I know that it will bigger, better + healthier the next time around because I’m using this time to really work on bettering myself.
Let me have this time.
7. No, I’m not afraid of being alone for the rest of my life- so please stop asking!
I have other fears- like being stuck in the wrong relationship + settling for less than I deserve. And to me, those fears trump any anxiety I may have about remaining single for the rest of my life.
I am willing to wait for the right relationship because I know that it is out there.
I want connection, chemistry + lasting love- and quite frankly I’m not willing to settle just so that I can say I have someone in my life.
Right now, my priorities are focused on building my business, on taking care of myself, and on saving for that dream house I have pictured in the back of my mind.
And when the time’s right, I’ll put energy back into this whole dating experience- but not until I’m ready.
You see, there’s a fine line between ‘needing a man’ + ‘wanting a man’ – and this independent woman knows that she doesn’t need a man to make her life complete.
8. What happened in my past relationships is none of your business
This may sound harsh, but if I wanted you to know about what went wrong with my last relationship, I would have told you.
So, please stop asking your pointed questions- I’m not hiding any juicy details, I promise!
I’m merely doing what feels right to me. If that means that I’d rather keep my private life, private- that’s my decision to make, so please respect that.
9. My quietness about dating is NOT a silent cry for help
Unless I ask for your help in finding a date, please assume that you do not have permission to pass my number around.
And while we’re on the subject, no you do not have permission to set up online dating profiles for me either. If I wanted my photo on Farmer’s Only or [insert dating site here], I would have done so myself.
I understand that your intentions may be pure, but please refer back to #6 to understand the situation from my point of view.
10. If nothing else- please believe me when I say it: I am okay.
Because it’s true!
Now it’s your turn, friend! I’d love for you to share in the comments below some of your own ideas of what you’d like your friends + family members to know about your single life.
What are you most tired of hearing when it comes to your dating life?
Here to support you! XO- Brit (ms.fit.farmer)